"Dark Night Of The Soul"

It would be remiss of me not to blog during the worst part of my current design project.  Have you all ready Austin Kleon's "Steal Like An Artist"?  Well if you haven't, you should...and that's what this blog post is based off of.

Austin Kleon "Steal Like An Artist"

Austin Kleon "Steal Like An Artist"

A lot of design can be lost in illusions.  We can draw and render and talk all day, but until we build...actually make something, it's still just an illusion.  Like Mark Hanna would say (Matthew McConaughey's character in Wolf On Wall Street)... 

"It's all a fugayzy, foogahzee, its a wazeee its a woozy its a fairy dust...it's not f****g real...We don't create shit, we don't build anything...because that would make it real" - Mark Hanna

And we see where that put Jordan Belfort.  Anyways, back to me.  So, we are currently doing a wooden pull toy project to help teach us about mechanisms.  I have to make a wooden animal or insect, of my choosing, and replicate 3 motions through simple (or difficult) mechanics.  


I'm going to make a rolly polly (because everyone loves rolly pollys!) walk through the "forest", roll up, and aimlessly move it's antennas.  Sounds simple enough, with a tad bit of a challenge so I can learn something, but all in all, it's going to be awesome.  I throw down some sketches, research some mechanisms, find a few videos, and figure I can piece these things together.  What the heck, it'll be a learning experience.

Okay, this is harder than I thought...

I get into the shop and I find all the holes in my sketches.  This is supposed to move this, but what is this connected to?  Where is the space for this gear to be housed?  How big can this gear be?  How much wood do I have?  Gosh, wood is sure expensive...what thickness?  Can I bend this?  How long will this take to dry?  Okay, I just spent 5 hours researching and sketching that, another 5 building it...and it didn't work.  When is this project due?

This is going to take some work.

But it's totally possible, right?  It'll just take some elbow grease, some thought, and quite a bit of trial and error...but I can do that.  Yeah.  I can do that....I think.  A few more encouraging words and some actual working sketches...maybe a cardboard sketch model or two will get me in order.

This sucks...and it's boring.

Two weeks later, I am out of pocket about $50 and 0 working models.  I don't think I actually have enough time to fail to figure this mess out if this project is due---wait f**k, this project is due in 3 weeks.  WHO. MADE. THIS. TIMELINE.  You know what, no, I'm going to give it a good try, putting it all out there on this wood so I can make this terrain move...I'll figure the other 2 motions and connections out later, I'm SURE if I get ONE THING to move, my hope will be resurrected.  

Dark Night Of The Soul...

*currently*  Am I really a designer?  Maybe all I do is come up with outlandish ideas that can never be truly distilled to reality.  Why am I here?  Why did I pay for this suffering?  I don't want to hit a brick wall, this is actually what I want to do with my life...but now I'm here...consistently failing.  My rigid scratch model did not work...I have 3.5 weeks to make this...I won't sleep all of November...what. the. heck.

Yeah, so...this is where i am currently.  I wasted a week of depression, excuses, and intimidation only to go make something and it not work either.  Well, semi work.  Either way...my back is against the wall, so I've got to figure something out quick.  

If there is anything I've gleaned from this (neverending) night

it's that if you're going to fail (which you will) you must do it fast.  Expect it too, so you don't get so down in the dumps when something doesn't work the first time.  Every moment you aren't making and discovering, you are wasting time.  With that said...I don't have much time to waste...I'm hoping to leave this purgatory soon.